Low self-esteem is a bad thing, and high self-esteem is a good thing? There are actually similar psychological mechanisms behind the two

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My father took on this task at that time and he got back a very beautiful bell from the company, with golden appearance and silver fingers. I was so excited that I started to learn happily. My father taught me the relationship between long and short stylus and numbers on the watch plate, and then he said that he learned it here and then began to test whether I understood it. He snatched a few points of the pointing position and I said it was wrong. My father was furious and threw the beautiful bell to the ground, and shouted at me with a loud voice: "I have taught you all this simple thing, why don't you understand it yet?!" I was scared at that time, and I was very helpless. Two voices appeared, one said, "Are I too stupid? Why can't I learn such simple things?" But another voice said, "Why didn't my father teach me again? I have many questions to ask, and there are many things I don't understand very well."

The helplessness at that time was very strong. This helplessness came from the fact that I couldn't get effective methods that could be used for the next experience from this experience. I only got the information "I'm too stupid", "I need to learn things at one time", "I don't have the right to express my incomprehension and ask", "I still don't know the time now, so what should I do?" Therefore, during the ten years I became a student, I would experience the ups and downs of self-esteem. After taking the first place, I felt that I was the most harmful person in the class. If I didn’t get the first place, it must be that my unwise characteristics were exposed and I couldn’t hide it.

If time can go back, I have the opportunity to tell my father how to educate a child who has not yet matured in all aspects of mental levels. I will tell him that after teaching the child new knowledge, I may still need to ask the child: "Did you understand what my father just said? If you don't understand, now it's time to ask, you can ask any questions." In this way, no matter how difficult the tasks or the complex knowledge a child encounters, he will know one thing, that is, if he doesn’t understand the relationship at the beginning, he can ask for questions and gradually gain exploration and understanding of this new thing. As long as children are taught what to do when helpless, they will not attack their self-esteem inwards and deny their existence and value in full. In the child's perspective, the world will become diverse and rich. The result of a thing is not only success and failure. We can also discuss and analyze one thing, summarize some experiences from it, and ask many valuable questions, which cannot be defined and summarized by simple success and failure. Only by being able to overcome helplessness can we move forward smoothly in a challenging life.

※ This article is excerpted from "If life can come back, how should we grow up: Write to you who are confused and frustrated in the process of growth, and complete your secondary growth ventricle."

"If life can come back, how should we grow up: Write to you who are confused and frustrated in the process of growth, and complete your secondary growth ventricle"

Author: Wang Rui

Publisher: Happiness Culture

Publication date: 2023/09/27

Responsible editor: Gu Zihuan